Its NOT Over When it Ends!
July 16, 2022What Happens When the Abusive Relationship Ends?
Domestic violence does not always end when you escape your abuser, try to terminate the relationship, and/or seek help. Often, it intensifies because the abuser feels a loss of control over you and can’t accept to let you leave on your own terms if at all.
Abusers frequently continue to stalk, harass, threaten, and try to control their victim after they have escaped. In fact, the victim is often in the most danger directly following the escape of the relationship or when they seek help: 1/5 of homicide victims with restraining orders are murdered within two days of obtaining the order; 1/3 are murdered within the first month.
Unfair blame is frequently put upon the victim of abuse because of assumptions that victims choose to stay in abusive relationships. I have faced this for the past 2 years from law enforcement, courts, doctors, school teachers etc.
The truth is, bringing an end to abuse is not a matter of the victim choosing to leave, it is a matter of the victim being able to safely escape their abuser, the abuser choosing to stop the abuse, or others (e.g., law enforcement, courts) holding the abuser accountable for the abuse they inflict. Let’s not forget we cant break laws either. If the victim has children they can’t just pick up and dissapear!
It is a true testimony to how cold we have become to blame a victim for being a victim during the most horrendous time of their life and not blaming the abuser for breaking down this individual so badly that we now refer to them as a Survivor or a Victim of abuse!